The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the

mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “YES”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family,

Children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff.” he said.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you…” he told them.

“So… pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled and said, “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.

Hooray for Mothers and Women Everywhere

Mother’s Day is a holiday honoring Motherhood that is observed in different forms throughout the world. The first Mother’s Day was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908, one of the many pioneers of women’s history who fought for women’s rights, worked hard to be treated equally, and made great strides in fields like science, politics, sports, literature and art. These pioneers are my heroes because it made it easier for me and the women of today.

It is very heartfelt for me because  I was raised by a mom who felt twarted all her life because she wanted more, she wanted better, she wanted different, and she was too afraid to change and make it happen. She didn’t have the opportunity to have the purposeful life that she deserved. This left her bitter and depressed, instead of fulfilled and energized. She wasn’t free to follow her dreams. She was set in a mold of a generation that did what that culture demanded of her, to get married by a certain age and to have children to continue the heritage; to be an extension of a man.

She was a great role model because my intention, at a very young age, was not to have my mom’s life and I didn’t!

My dad really wanted me to be a guy, so he raised me to be self sufficient by my own contributions. I am so grateful for that. He raised me to be educated, to be smart, in a time where that meant less opportunity to get married, because we were just sorting out how women can be both mothers and professionals in the work place.

 I studied very hard, went to a fine woman’s college.  I  became a teacher but yearned to use the business mind that I inherited from my mom. So in 1984, I received my MBA from Pepperdine. The fact that I was valued in the work place was huge for me. I felt empowered by my education and my aspiration to constantly learn and  grow. Consequently, I have been a woman enterpreneur since 1973 reaching higher and higher, and at this stage in my life, committed to empowering other women to give themselves permission to have it all, the family and the career, if they choose that path, and find harmony between them both.

 Hooray to women and mothers everywhere. . Hooray for the opportunity  to feel fulfilled both in your home and  at work. So when it comes to legacy, you have a life  without regrets and no “what ifs” when you grow old;that your cup is filled with wonder and challenge to the day you die.

Happy, happy Mother’s Day!

                 The Courage to Change the Things you Can

This is a significant birthday year for me, and as we approach Passover, Easter, and Spring, all symbols of new beginnings and change, I feel compelled more than ever to be really comfortable with me. For if not now, when? Many times that means change. Change really scared me when I was younger. I stayed much too long in toxic relationships, rationalizing, compromising tolerating, because I was too scared of change. The older and more wiser I get, I’ve listen to God’s whispers, as Ms. Oprah very aptly puts it. If my stomach is churning and I am feeling stressed, I know that it is time to change, and I have to be bold enough to embrace it and let the fear of the unknown step aside, and boldly take the steps to make my life comfortable. It’s not an easy task but I as I do my homework and look at other choices, the process becomes more palatable.

One thing I know, change is a constant. So what tools do I need to do it? Two ingredients lessens the fear, trust in the Universe, and confidence in myself; to know that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and to go with it and accept it, not fight it or try to keep something that no longer works or is broken. To accept there is a lesson that I have to learn and to know on a deep level that there are blessings with all lessons.

I can make the changes with love. It doesn’t have to be harsh or nasty. I don’t need to try again and try again expecting a different result until it gets nasty. I need to be brutually honest and forgiving with myself so that resentment, anger, angst, are replaced with acceptance and compassion.

Four years ago this August 17th, my world was rocked with the sudden death of my great companion and friend, Harold Koenig. I was forced to halt, listen to what God wanted for me, and trust that when “God closes a door, He opens a window”. I needed to find that window, I had to embrace that change. I had to go to the Light, or if not, the fear would enter, and freeze me, where I was stopped.

When I make the changes, the result is that I get to play really “big”, because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I want to keep getting stronger. That means constantly evaluating and building a core of people around me that nurture me, prize me, respect me, inspire me, so that I could aspire to reach higher and higher in all aspects of my life.

What I know for sure is that we all want the same things, a fulfilled life, and to be completely authentic in everything we are and do. We want to find ourselves vibrating on the highest level possible, making a difference in the world, be it being a great mother, teacher, gardener. So when we leave this world, our aura shines bright, the brightest possible, and we are all spent.

Those Ahhh! Moments

The 14^th of February is that one day we acknowledge “love” for ourselves and others. The “love” day when we give ourselves permission to say “I love you” in words and deeds. Why save this wonderful energy for that special day? Let’s spread it around for 365 days. First things first, we can’t give away love if we are empty, so we need to begin by loving ourselves by taking “Ahhh! moments, as Ms. Oprah put it. Here are a few suggestions.

1.    Have a moment with your pet, giving her an extra hug, and some cuddles.

2.    Listens to your child’s “Pit” and “Peak” of the day over dinner together.

3.    Take 15 minutes out of the day to have your favorite beverage and read something you enjoy.

4.    Taking a short walk, being in the moment, and  observing everything along the way.

5.    Buy fresh flowers and enjoy their beauty.

6.     Take bubble baths with lots of bubbles.

7.    Hold hands with a loved one.

8.    Take “5” to meditate and pray, especially if it’s a stressful day.

9.    Give thanks

10.Take a 15 minute nap.

11. Schedule in a yoga class.

12. Clean out that garage or trunk.

13. Fix that leaky faucet, change the oil in your car, fix that light bulb.

14.Have lunch with a friend.

15.Take deep breaths when the stress starts to get you. Inhale and feel your abdomen expand.

16. No more multi-tasking.

17.Laugh.

18.Shorten that “to do” list to include the top six things you need to accomplish that day.

19.Do something you are passionate about.

Those “Ahh! Moments bring us back to joy, inner peace, and the willingness to be a loving, kinder, more gentler person. It enables us to be fun, to be a comfort, to be a mentor, a better spouse, a better leader, better parent, better friend.

So have a wonderful Valentine Day enjoying those special ahhh! moments on this day and every day.

A New Look at those New Year’s Resolutions

Instead of resolutions, why don’t we “declare”.  I am reading Joel Osteen’s book entitled “ I Declare” and thought, what a great way to start the new year!

I declare that I will thrive, that I will prosper despite any challenge that comes my way. I know every setback is a setup for a comeback.

I declare I will not stagnant, continue to grow.

I declare I will do my footwork and let go of the results. ( A big one for  me).

I declare that the best is yet to be on this journey of learning.

I declare that I will watch what I think and  say. I know that whenever we speak, we give life to what we are saying. I will not dwell on negative thoughts. I will replace them with happy, nurturing ones.

I declare that I will take time to have a quiet moment  with God and be in a state of appreciation.

I declare that I  that just for today, I will not be unafraid. I will boldly gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my actions.

I declare that   I will realize that I as I give to the world, the world will give to me.

I declare that I will find ways to laugh long and often.

I declare that I will continue to buy myself the present of spending time doing exactly what I want to do,  listening to my favorite music while walking on the beach, taking a long bubble bath, etc.

I declare that discipline is self-love in all my affairs, ie. eating, drinking, exercising, money.

I declare that I am a love vessel here to encourage and inspire.

I declare that I will take one day at a time. It is my daily decisions that will determine my level of wellness and allow me to grow to a higher and higher awareness.

I declare health. I declare favor. I declare abundance.

Happy, happy New Year!

                             A Special Christmas Gift-Gratitude

Christmas is this magical time of giving, of loving, of showing appreciation, of helping, of gatherings.

What about that special gift for yourself? The one that would be the most meaningful for you-gratitude.

 I get so busy, I forget about my gifts of health, both mental and physical, of inner peace, my inner awareness and growth, my ability to love unconditionally.  I am grateful for my work and I give it my best always. I am grateful for my friends and family and I rejoice in their company. I am grateful for my talents and abilities, and my constant desire to express them in ways that are fulfilling. I am grateful for all my past experiences, for I know that all of life is for learning.  

So this state of mind that is called “gratitude” has been my journey.  Because without it, I would feel incomplete and in despair. There is a page in the One Day at a Time book of Alanon that asks, what are you doing with what you’ve got? For a long time, my focus was on what I didn’t have. I had to make that shift. It helps me see beyond my self-defeating fears and doubts. It is the powerful magnetic force that naturally draws joyous people and events to me and leaves me feeling so blessed.

A client once said that she lives in a “dog eat dog” world. For the Grace of God, I choose to I live in a loving abundant, harmonious Universe and I am grateful! I remain in awe  that no matter how overwhelming and scary this journey called “life is, when I slow down enough, I realize that it’s all just made up of hundreds of thousands of “moments,” most of which are pretty darn wonderful. I must give myself permission to take the time to witness and appreciate them.

May we pay attention to all the miracles that truly dance all around us when we pause to listen, see, feel, smell, and taste, from a cool iced tea on a summer day, to a special hug when you need it most, a smiling baby cooing in her carriage, to the warmth of the blankets that cover and comfort us all night.

What Are the Costs - and Rewards - of Being a Parent?

As we approach this Holiday season filled with magic for children young and old, I want to reflect on the cost and reward of being a parent.

Studies show that a middle-income family will spend $160,140 to raise a child to 18 years old. Is it worth it? How do children stack up as a “return on investment”?

$160,140 translates into $8,896 a year, $741 a month, $171 a week, $24 a day, $1 an hour. What do you get for $ 1 an hour?

Well, for $1 an hour, you never have to grow up, because:

•        You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets, and collect spray-painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, handprints set in clay for Mother’s Day, and cards with backward letters for Father’s Day.

•        You get to fingerpaint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

•        You have an excuse to keep reading the adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.

What else do your get for your $1 an hour?

•          Glimpses of magic every day.

•          Giggles under the covers every night.

•          More love than your heart can hold.

•          Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

•          A hand to hold, usually covered with jam, jelly, or chocolate

•          A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

•          Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said that day.

For $ 1 an hour, you get to be a hero:

•          Just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, or taking the training wheels off the bike.

•          For removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, or coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs.

•          For coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream afterwards.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first date, and first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child, you are all-knowing and all-powerful.

You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

Sounds like the best $1 you can spend!

New  Beginnings

The High Holy days of the Jewish New Year is a special time of reflection and interspection.   What is working? What  is no longer? It is a new season filled  with the hope and faith of a new sweet year. That is why our tradition includes apples and honey. God wants it to be sweet.

I used to be afraid of change and would stay in relationships knowing there was more, but yet this one was familiar. But just as brooks are filled with water and then dry up, so do relationships, health, money, jobs.  Life is a series of setbacks and comebacks. They build our character, they make us strong. Not much fun when you are in the middle of it, but as you slowly emerge, like being in a violent storm, you get that you can do this. This is manageable. God, indeed, doesn’t give anything more than we can handle.

 I went to two funerals in two weeks. Both were sudden deaths of someone’s beloved. Swept away from them in an instance with no warning, one after being married for forty years!

At one of the gatherings with the Rabbi, she talked about how God wants us to swim. Why swim?  Especially for me, who has never been comfortable in water over my head. What she meant is, do you have the coping skills, to swim to shore. Can you float awhile until you get your bearings? Will you ever see the shore again? I have been in that river of grief and it is hard.

They say God doesn’t give you anything more than you can handle. Hard to comprehend when you are overwhelmed, distraught, lamenting, missing that brook that flowed with everything familiar and safe and now things are chaotic and totally unknown.

My glue has been my trust in a Higher Power and  to know in my heart of  hearts that the God of my understanding wants my Highest Good and it is not for me to take His inventory. So He asks me to surrender to His Will. Now if you are like me, putting that control in a Higher Power didn’t come easy. All He asks of me is to be willing to be willing. For  it is with the surrender that answers appear. It is easy to trust him when the brook is full. The test is when it is dried up and you are  clumpsily clinging to a life raft just to get through the day.

Now we all have choices, we can get bitter, self pity can rear its head big time,   we can become terribly frightened, anxious, angry, or you can believe that there is a lesson that you need to learn. Now, like me, you can get weary of all these life lessons, but here they are again.

   It doesn’t have to be totally dark. That’s our choice.  But for that to happen there needs to be a core belief that you are going to make it, no matter what and all God asks of you is that you suit up and show up and make your short term noon, and your long term goal, midnight. So you adjust, you ask for His Guidance, and soon enough, a new brook appears, a more beautiful one than you would have ever imagined, for in the surrender, the answers appear. Things got clearer and clearer, and step by step, you became renewed.

So here’s to life here on Earth. With each person’s passing it reminds me how fragile it is, to treasure each day as if it is my last and to love, because at the end that is all that matters.

                                    Let Freedom ring!

Within the text of the Declaration of Independence are these words ”mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.” They were no longer willing to suffer.

This is more than a political statement to me. Today, many people keep themselves trapped in bad relationships because their beliefs say conditions cannot change. In 1776, a group of men changed a belief structure about their relationship with England. When they made this Declaration, they knew their lives were being changed forever. They also knew there would be many people who would disagree with them. Changing beliefs many times give us freedom but we need to do the work even though it feels too big and scary.

We need to look at ourselves. Sometimes no matter what we do or say, the condition will not change. It may appear we are stuck in the situation with no way to escape. Viktor Frankl found himself in such a predicament while imprisoned in a  World War Two concentration camp. After this experience, Frankl wrote in “Man’s Search for Meaning, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. “ By changing himself, he found the tools needed to survive.

What unhealthy behaviors are holding you back from being the greatest version of yourself? Looking over my life, I had to choose freedom many times. I wasn’t popular, it was painful, but I knew it was the right thing to do. It meant choosing to let go of  toxic relationships, choosing to confront, being honest, listening to my heart, and choosing to risk going through an uncomfortable season to get to a more happy, joyous, and  authentic one.

How do we find the courage to confront  what we need to change? It may be necessary to learn to forgive, to manage  anger, to lose weight, to moderate  anxiety, or sadness.  The 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence knew that it is okay to embrace a Higher Power while on a course of change. When they signed the Declaration, they wrote the words, “with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.”

What I wish for you is for you to choose freedom and have the faith to take the baby steps to get to that higher place of peace and fulfillment.

Let freedom ring!

                              The Lessons of My  Wise Dad

 Dad came to the United States  as an orphan child at the tender age of 11, left oppression, so grateful to be free. Missed his homeland, lost his innocence. But in that short time with his parents he learned about faith. He couldn’t keep  his Spirit constantly nurtured without his  faith in a High Power, faith in himself, faith in the process, and faith in the outcome.  He trusted God and always knew  that things would get better, always strived to make life easier for his family and himself. He truly believed that God loves us and wants us to have our highest Good. To him, every cloud has a silver lining, just learn from it, and  keep moving, keep trying, keep suiting up and showing up.  Dust yourself off and start all over. Adversity makes us strong.

 He knew that  if  we were willing to be willing all things would be possible. He  loved the book “The Little Engine that Could. “Failure to him was never reaching, because you stayed stuck.   He was a self taught man with little schooling. He loved to learn and was a great teacher. Every day he read us the Ten Commandments, every day he cited the Golden Rule. He was a man of few words and very little open affection but I knew he loved me and I adored him. He treated you like he wanted you to treat him. He was a very kind man.  For him, it was better to give than receive . If he saw someone hurting, he was right there to help in any way possible. He loved people. Never met a man he didn’t like.  He loved getting to know them. He would spend hours talking to strangers on buses and trains.

He didn’t believe in TV, rock and roll, or smoking. He knew that TV would  interfere with reading, learning,  and family time together. Loved music, sang in the Chorus of the Metropolitan Opero and  everywhere on buses, on trains with no inhibitions.  I played classical piano as a child. He and I had our differences when Elvis Presley came along. He didn’t consider rock and roll music. He forbid smoking.  Knew that was a vice and unhealthy way before we had warnings on cigarettes.  

He knew about nutrition and exercise and was way ahead of his time.  He walked briskly throughout his life. He knew that is was important for your health. We were not allowed to eat anything he considered junk food or fast foods.   Refused to go into a MacDonalds. He knew that fast foods would replace the supper time of discussion and getting together. He knew that preservatives were bad for us. There was no coke, no ketchup, no whites if any sort in the house, very little sugar, and little salt.   Everything had to be fresh. We moved to a chicken farm so that we did not have the pollution of the city because he knew how damaging that would be for your health.  He loved his home grown vegetables   with no pesticides.  He carefully inspected all the chickens before they were sold. He had organic chickens and vegetables.

I was the oldest of three, taught at an early age to be independent by my own contributions.  Education was the key. He wanted us to have the opportunities he wasn’t able to have. We went from public school to Hebrew School to music school. Seeing me excel in school was his greatest joy. He knew it meant an easier more fulfilling life for me. I was the oldest and I would lead the way. He treated me as if I was his oldest son, not daughter. There was a difference in those days. Thank you, Dad.

  He was an artist that invested  in the stock market.  In later years, lived on his dividends that he collected for 30 years literally one stock at a time. Knew at a core level, it is not how much money you make, but how you use it.   Lived very frugally. Never used anything new until the old one was used up.  Respected and valued money and worked very hard for it. Did what ever it took to provide for his family.

Taught us by his example about loss and trust and forgiveness.  He lost the farm because he trusted friends  that he considered “landsmen.” Learned to verify his trust. Learned about doing homework, pausing, slowing down and being less impetuous. Worked out his losses. Forgave the people that betrayed him and  stayed an optimist through it all. Didn’t stay down too long. Had too much work to do. Always going forward.

Struggled with being quiet, being still. Always doing, couldn’t just be.   A little man of big statue. a  simple man with dignity and grace and simple values. Devoid of ego, had tons of humility, always knowing he was here for a Divine purpose. Happy, light, free. Did what he wanted to do.  He loved learning,  loved  adventure, loved people, loved life. What a great mentor. I was so blessed!  I see so much of him in me and that’s O. K. These lessons I use every day for every day they are tested in some way.  What a legacy!

To  Dads everywhere, Happy, happy Father’s Day! Here’s to all the many gifts and lessons that give us.